Why I Hate Incompetent Fools (aka YOU HAD ONE JOB)

When I read I book for fun, I expect two things. Only two. Seriously. It isn’t that hard. In fact, only one is up to the author and publisher. Since I expect so little from these people, when my expectations aren’t met, I find it really annoying. The ONE THING that I ask is that the book is properly edited. This isn’t a 7th grade paper, it is a professional, published story and I expect that BASIC writing rules and grammar, spelling and typing are up to par. I recently found though, that sometimes it’s a little hard to differentiate professional writing from my own language arts homework.

Last week, I started reading a book by Josh Kilmer Purcell, who has led quite the interesting life so far. The man led a double life as both an alcoholic drag queen and successful advertiser. I read his memoir about that earlier in the year, and while I wasn’t exactly comfortable with the storyline, I appreciated his humor and writing style. I looked up Purcell and bought his second book, “Candy Everybody Wants” and judging from the fact that this was “a fiction novel based off of how I would want my life to have gone” I figured I was in for a ride. 

I’m sure you’re wondering a lot of things right now, why on earth I would read Purcell’s first book and especially his second, and mostly how these two things go together in the slightest. First, I’d like to say that the initial decision was thanks to Tyler Oakley, a youtube persona, and that I chose to read the second book quite honestly because it has a shiny silver cover that reflects light like a rainbow. Second, well I’ll just let the story explain itself.

I was reading my book with an open eye, or as open as I could be. However, I found the story boring, and kind of unrealistic. I sort of hated it. Or rather I hated it after what happened next. On page sixty, the main character Jayson (whose “y” is self imposed because of the “flair” it adds) is talking to a woman named Franck. With a C. I get that the story is supposed to be outrageous and the author wanted the characters to match, but come on. Franck? Either way, it isn’t up to me, what’s written is written, you know? Even though I abhor the idea of characters with odd spelling names, I was willing to accept it. Until of course “Franck” became “Frank”. This one mistake really bugged me, I mean if you are going to go as far as changing a normal name to some weird rendition of what it is, GET IT RIGHT. 

I get it, I was being a little judgmental. I figured I wasn’t being fair, it’s probably a small misprint that could happen to anyone. I gave it another shot. What a mistake that was! Now, I don’t know who personally edited this book, and I don’t think I should know, because if I ever find them, I am going to literally slap them in the face. Or get them fired. It depends how I’m feeling that day. I’ve found TWO MORE ERRORS so far in the book, both stupid, easily solvable mistakes. In one, a “directly” gave orders to actors. I’m sorry, but I was not aware that hollywood came to a decision that all directors are now called “directly”s. Oh wait, that’s because A DIRECTLY IS NOT A THING. The other involved a character “our” foraging in the night. It may seem unreasonable for me to be so angry, but this is someones job. They literally have one job. ONE. And they can’t even do it right? If you were an engineer, and you screwed up one little piece of a machine, people can DIE. So really, this incompetent person is a FAILURE. 

That isn’t even the best part! This happened in ANOTHER book I read, by Janet Evanovich. It was a characters name again, and I just want to say that as a writer, I will always keep a close list of my characters names so that I don’t screw them up. If I do, please knock on my door, and just punch me. I honestly can’t deal with this. I thought books were professional writing. I can tell you right now, my book will be edited properly so that I don’t make the horrendous mistakes of these authors. I took it upon myself to read up on grammar issues and mistakes that people often make in writing so that I do not fall to this unprofessional, super irritating level of writing.

Grammar and style: 

These articles discussed common mistakes in grammar that I, amongst most others are privy to making. 

http://litreactor.com/columns/20-common-grammar-mistakes-that-almost-everyone-gets-wrong

I also bought this book, which I should be receiving in three days, to further inform myself of how to write better.

The Elements of Style by E.B White and William Strunk

Here's to hoping that I can do this properly, because I'd really prefer not to get punched.